This Floating Excrement Was Far Too Symbolic! It's the Television Letdowns of the Year.

As we consider the TV offerings of the past year, a selection of series emerge not for their brilliance, but for their spectacular shortcomings. From awkward spin-offs to confusingly poor documentaries, here are the programmes that left us utterly bewildered or simply reaching for the remote.

The 'Sex and the City' Sequel

Where to begin with this divisive follow-up? Burdened with woeful scripts, painful character development (justice for Miranda!), and a mere 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the series fought to find its footing. Briefly, as the final series began, it seemed as if it had finally found its groove. Then arrived an installment all about Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the showrunner announced this would be the final series. It concluded on a bum note; the closeup of Miranda’s toilet full of poo was simply too on-the-nose. Yet, fans undeniably had a hoot dissecting every single “wtf?” moment. And as Carrie – a single woman once more – danced around her sprawling townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t let out a small sob?

The Kim Kardashian Drama

‘Can Kim Kardashian act? The answer is a resounding no.’

But that was almost the smallest of this show's problems. The subject of a very rare no-star review, it was difficult to know where to begin listing the problems. The hilariously wooden dialogue? The mind-numbing glorification of affluence and consumption? The almost deliberate procession of tropes? Acting so poor they felt borderline spiteful? Suffice it to say “all of the above” and never speak of this series again. Except, a new season has been commissioned, so we’re likely going to have to.

The Charlie Sheen Documentary

Considering the legal troubles, domestic violence allegations and parental failures, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a troubled figure. Not that you’d really have known it from this three-part documentary which chuckled along at Sheen’s various episodes of self-destructive excess while failing to tell us a single thing we weren't already aware of. Instead, it felt as if this loose cannon was being pandered to, so any pity this show might induce should be saved for the people who have had to suffer proximity with this charismatic but dismissive egotist.

The Iris Affair

Of course we knew it was ridiculous from the get-go: a thriller about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either solve global crises – or annihilate all of humanity. We persevered out of sheer love for its stars … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One barely cared when his character died, and the other ultimately hacking Charlie with an axe … in super slow-motion. Talk about giving up the ghost.

The Gangster Drama

Shady figures meeting in deserted boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter blaring in club scenes? The late 90s called and wants its gangland drama back.

In truth, that is harsh on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many look a little old-fashioned now, but at least they didn’t suffer the ignominy of having to accommodate baffling dialects. But there were plenty of other problems. Mainly that it was just really dull; a conflict over narcotics territory between various cockney picaresques which felt rather simplistic.

The Meghan Markle Series

Considering the extent to which she provokes the ire of the nation’s ostentatiously angry commentators, it’s almost easy to applaud the Duchess of Sussex’s televised ventures into quaint lifestyle as intentional provocations. But then you view them and are compelled to admit that actually, they might have a point. It’s like watching a lifestyle magazine animated; a meme for evening drinks with delusions of grandeur; a procession of snoozing dogs, buzzing beehives, sentimental platitudes and forgettable crafting “tips” you’ll forget instantly. All supported by immense, largely undeserved wealth. Ugh.

Victoria Beckham

There are clearly interesting things to be said about both Victoria Beckham and her journey with career, identity, self-worth. But for whatever reason, this three-part series opted not to explore them. Instead, the viewing was akin to reading a marketing catalogue. She clearly has good reason to resent what she describes as her “stern” image. But unfortunately, she failed to do herself any helps with this cagey non-event of a series.

The Inheritance

It should have been the next big hit – except even camper, with a glamorous star playing dead and a well-known personality managing her inheritance. What more could you ask for? As players competed, there was plenty of betrayal and arguing. But the rules quickly became bewildering: it’s still too confusing to explain what precisely was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw glimpses of the star via filmed videos. The show ended up reeking of a programme that was trying way too hard to live up to something way beyond it.

Too Much

How does one succeed a show that captured a generation? The expectation was immense for this glitzy romantic comedy about Jessica, a hopeful New Yorker who arrives in London with a broken heart. The lead actress took her biggest role by the horns and was a delight to watch, embodying Jane Austen levels of romantic ideals. But it was all very slick and, ironically, was insufficient. Plus, the sheer amount of famous cameos involved felt icky.

Mitchell & Webb Are Not Helping

Not good enough to be ‘patchy’.

Given the smart recruitment of gifted emerging comics, expectations were high. But unhappily, most of it didn’t land. A particular sketch was a single joke milked to a dry pulp but repeated in every episode. One star seemed too willing to slip into a familiar irate mode. The behind-the-scenes sketches, in contrast, simply provoked the thought that they should probably have stayed in there a while longer.

The Twisted Tale of Amanda Knox

This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively showcased the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there undoubtedly is an compelling drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this isn’t it. The material needed to be treated sensitively. Rather, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right voice, lurching from strangely jaunty, somewhat stylised farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Complex? Arguably. A total mess? Absolutely.

The Maths Genius Thriller

We love the lead actor … but did we buy him playing the greatest maths genius in history, a man so intelligent he’s on the verge of a discovery that could destabilise society? No! This globe-trotting thriller about secret services spying on – and eliminating – intellectuals frankly got more farcical by the second. Silliness-by-numbers.

The Bonnie Blue Documentary

This uncritical portrait followed the online personality notorious for explicit escapades as she undertook her most extreme challenge yet. What on earth would possess her? What we craved was way more examination of her true psychology, plus those of the men in the queue. They could at least have interviewed the now-famous mum who appeared to drag her son out of the queue. What we got was disturbing imagery and absolutely no critical analysis of her notoriety whatsoever. It's staggering to consider, the filmmaker has a teenage daughter too.